:Jiawen:

Saturday, December 13, 2008 thinking my thoughts! i start to loathe my life. i'm getting irritated, annoyed, pissed off... with everything revolving around me. i may seem to be natural, happy and everything. but there's a big BUT behind everything i do. i have to think of the consequences behind every action i do. if i don't do it this way, i will blah blah.. (i just have to do it against my will). i am really really disappointed. i haven't had this kind of feeling for a long long time, but its coming back, coming back to haunt me. staying optimistic hasn't always been in my mind. pessmistic sounds more like it. i really missed the happy, fun times i used to have. i don't have to worry about anything. living the way it should and not knowing where the path ahead will lead to (thats' the way excitement are brought in and i simply loved it!!) life had much ups and downs. but recently, the downturns are getting more and more. the hole which i am falling into are getting deeper and deeper. no matter how strong i am, i am unable to get out of the humongous hole. i'm sinking deeper and deeper into it. i'm starting to be unconscious. may some hero come and save me! mysterious froze in time on 4:44 AM

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